This tool is useful when you discover aspects of yourself, or sub-personalities, that have conflicting aims or desires. This is related to, but different from the negotiation described in the Inner Guide Meditation (link). The objective is to negotiate between the conflicting aspects or personalities so that you can move forward in your life and activities.
The first step is to do whatever you can to clarify the source of conflict within yourself. Sometimes it helps to give the warring parties names or labels. Sometimes what needs clarifying most is what each requires. Sometimes there may be more than two competing voices in the conflict – in which case you need to name each aspect and find out what each wants as precisely as possible.
Once you have the set of protagonists and their competing demands then you need to set up a space for the negotiation. Each protagonist or sub-personality or aspect of yourself needs a separate seat. This could be a chair or a cushion on the floor; whatever is most comfortable for you. You should also assign a separate seat to your Self; who you actually are. Your Self is necessary both to the supervise the negotiation and to maintain a sense of order.
Once you have set up the space then make sure you will not be disturbed. If necessary lock the door, turn off phones and let other people know that you do not want to be disturbed. The way that the negotiation will proceed is that each protagonist can only speak when you are sitting on that personality’s cushion or chair. For another protagonist or sub-personality to speak you have to first move to their place, their cushion or chair. If you have a number of protagonists it might help to put an appropriate label on each place so you can remember where to position your Self. With just two protagonists this is not usually necessary.
Start by sitting in the Self space and state the aim of the process. Then allow each of the protagonists to make an opening statement of how they see the issue and what they want. From then on the negotiation will tend to take on a life of its own. If it becomes stuck in a repetitive or unhelpful exchange, revert to the Self place and make some suggestion about a way forward. Indeed allow the Self to intervene whenever there is an obvious opening for a resolution. This is all illustrated in the personal example below which took place in the early 1980s.
At the time of this negotiation I had a busy life. I was a Professor at the Open University, I was in charge of a small energy efficiency business and I was running five or six Enlightenment Intensives a year. I also enjoyed having a good time, which involved being mildly intoxicated and going to parties. However there were some fundamental conflicts between these aspects of my life that came to a head when I was on a personal retreat of my own. The acute conflict was between the Enlightenment Master, who wanted to meditate daily, purify his body and be in pristine condition for running Intensive retreats, and the party goer who wanted to regularly unwind, let go and have a good time using a range of intoxicants. I labelled the one who wanted to meditate and be pure ‘pilgrim’ and the party lover as ‘hedonist’. I set up a Gestalt style negotiation between pilgrim, hedonist and my Self by placing three cushions in a triangle facing each other. What follows is an abbreviated version of the dialogue between these three.
Self: I am fed up with you two always arguing and demanding more of my time. As far as I can tell the current situation leaves us all dissatisfied, so I thought we should get together to find a way that we can all be more content.
Pilgrim: Well you are right that I am dissatisfied. It takes me quite a while to get into a rhythm of meditating and fasting, and just as I feel I am starting to get somewhere Hedonist screws it all up by having alcohol or some drugs. Basically I cannot meditate deeply for 24h after drinking alcohol and not until 5 or more days have elapsed after he has smoked cannabis. I am serious about wanting to purify myself and have a deeper level of enlightenment and want Hedonist to back out of our life so I can get on with this project.
Hedonist: You (looking at Pilgrim’s cushion) are just a party pooper. You cannot stand it when I or anyone else just enjoys themselves. You are always so serious, so straight-laced – you know you are really boring. And I am completely fed up with you because you always spoil my fun by coming in with your po-faced puritan voice moaning about how this is going to mess with meditation or how you won’t be in condition to run one of your precious retreats.
Pilgrim: I am not against having fun, but let’s do it without intoxicants. Having fun doesn’t interfere with my meditation, it’s only alcohol and drugs that create a problem. And last month when you took some psilocybin mushrooms it took me weeks to get back on track. I am just fed up with struggling to get somewhere in my meditation and then one blast from you and it takes me ages to get back on track.
Hedonist: Look when I have been working flat out all week and am exhausted using alcohol or drugs is just a great way to relax and get into having a good time. And I never have a hang-over, I never take too much of anything. Your idea of fun is not what I am after, so …
Self: Is there any way in which you two could co-operate somehow? Could you take it in turns doing what you want?
Pilgrim: Well that’s pretty well what’s happening now, but my turn is not long enough. As I said earlier it takes me days to get over having a smoke of cannabis, and he (looking at Hedonist) wants to do it most weekends. Which means that I’m stuffed for most of the week.
Hedonist: And then next weekend I have your moaning voice in my head that makes it really difficult for me to enjoy myself.
Self: OK so it is clear taking turns once a week is no good. Would alternating one month at a time be better?
Pilgrim: A month would be OK, but it is really not long enough for me to make much progress in my surrender meditation. Something like three months would be much better. That would also enable me to schedule the Intensive retreats in the periods when I know Hedonist isn’t going to screw things up.
Hedonist: Three months of no fun! Doesn’t sound like a good deal to me!
Self: But then you would have three months when it is your turn and Pilgrim would not bug you whilst you are having a good time. We could schedule your three months to include your birthday, Christmas and other times when you really want to party.
Hedonist: That does sound attractive. One three month period would have to include the summer holiday I take with Eva as well.
Pilgrim: It will need to be planned carefully to not conflict with the long retreats I run in the summer. But basically two three month periods a year when I can go deeper in meditation sounds wonderful – a real improvement on how things are now.
Hedonist: Yes and two three month periods without you bleating in my ear sounds great to me as well.
Self: Great. We have a way forward! I am delighted that you are both happy with this plan. I am confident that we can make it work.
This arrangement was enacted and was the organising principle that Eva and I followed for the next decade or so. It only came to an end when we retired from running many Intensives and from our jobs
A Master's Path 
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